Work, Love, The Brain and The Body; Meg Jay shares her fascinating takes on a vigorous and intentional approach to the twentysomething years in her book The Defining Decade.
It's officially the end of the third fortnight, and I've successfully kept the streak alive. This time, the focus shifted away from Ben Nash's financial literacy teachings, and towards Meg Jay's psychology-backed advice for those of us in our twenties.
Jay's book takes all elements of life - from romantic and family relationships, to our work hobbies, our pre-frontal cortex, and even fertility - and shares the importance of a proactive approach to these aspects during the "defining decade", which is evidently our twenties.
The themes of Jay's book are comprehensively corroborated by stories from her vast experience as a clinical psychologist, and the seemingly infinite stories of her twentysomething clients. I really appreciated this approach to storytelling, as it feels conscious, real and relatable.
The book is divided into three sections; Work, Love, The Brain & The Body. This appears to be a vague separation of life's pillars, but the chapters that exist within these sections are where the content is expanded upon.
I was able to extract a number of valuable lessons from each section. This book is validating if you are taking the correct approach, and motivating if you have room for improvement. I think that most twentysomethings will feel validated and motivated by this book, due to the depth of the content.
Jay refers to identity capital and taking our careers seriously in our twenties. The stuff on the resume matters - of course - but the experiences that we have that increase our ability to thrive in complex situations (hint hint... our identity capital) is what truly counts. A healthy mix of new, uncomfortable experiences, whilst always looking to forward our careers, is the sort of approach that will allow fellow twentysomethings to launchpad our careers.
This is perhaps the area where I need to step up more. Funnily enough, this journalling project was inspired by the identity capital chapter. I am quite proud of what this is turning into. It is challenging to share my thoughts on certain topics, but I know that this sort of identity capital is highly beneficial, in terms of the way I handle my own thoughts and experiences. Who knows, maybe there are other ways that this will reap benefits.
The theme of love is presented through the ideas of choosing our family, cohabitating, and taking your romantic relationships seriously. Jay's points on cohabitation stuck with me. She emphasises the necessity for having important conversations with romantic partners as early as possible, so that we don't waste our time with partners who are misaligned with our own values (to the point of irreparable incompatibility).
I have to give a lot of credit to my girlfriend here. Being a very measured person, she was able to reason with me from a scarily similar stance that Meg Jay takes in her book - not rushing cohabitation for the sake of convenience. This will allow us to experience the seasons of our relationship, and not to blur the lines between engagement, cohabitation, marriage and starting a family (not necessarily in that order). This was the single most valuable insight that I took from The Defining Decade, and it was awesome to be able to relate it back to an experience I had in my own relationship.
Finally, she touches on the importance of fertility timelines, staying calm in the workplace, maintaining a positive mindset and building timelines for life that are both realistic, and align with one's own values. This final section emphasises the importance of starting now, regardless of how old or young you are.
As a 22 year old, I would recommend this book to absolutely anyone, regardless of how old you are. I will be passing this book on to those very close to me, as I can see the value that this book encapsulates. This book was a refreshing read.
Meg Jay changed my already-evolving perspective on these years of influence, change and potential. Everything should be done with intention and perspective of future consequence/reward. Everything we do now will compound.
Next up, The 80/20 Principle by Richard Koch. This one will be interesting, and I'm excited to share my extrapolation of the book next fortnight.